we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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