Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
