Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
