if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
