I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
