That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
