When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
