I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize