No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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