What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
