Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love you.
Bad choice
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
