i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
