I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize