I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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