you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
