i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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