I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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