I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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