i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
