Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
