she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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