last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
