you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
