there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
