if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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