A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Enjoy the penises
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
