I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
