you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
