I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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