i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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