She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
