My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
