If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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