I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
