A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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