i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
