i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
