Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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