I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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