Will you blow on my dice?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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