We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
