i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
