how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
