i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
