and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
