so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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