I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
