I love watching others lives come down to our level.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
