Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
