dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
