I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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