He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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