She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize