You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
