This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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