Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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