he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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