In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
