Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
