i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
tell me about the eggs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
