you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
