just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude. I can hear the air.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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