He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
