Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had sex on a roof
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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