Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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